Pennies, Sparrows, and Me

This evening my little girl comes into my study screaming at the top of her lungs and clutching her neck. I bend down and try to discern the problem through the wailing. This process took about 3 to 4 minutes. Finally, I understand that she swallowed a penny. I pulled her up on my lap, as I wasn't too concerned because she was breathing and screaming and talking (if someone is choking but can breath or talk, you know they're okay). I checked her throat and listened to her breathing. Physically, she was fine. The penny will pass through in the next couple of days no doubt. So I rocked her, and patted her, and sang to her until she calmed down. That took a while.

Part of the reason that I wasn't worried is that when I was about three or four years old, I swallowed a penny myself. The difference between my little girl and me is that I didn't cry, scream, or tell anyone. I was scared, but I would have sat there and died. In both cases, there were other kids around, but they were either oblivious to the situation or more interested with their own lives.

As I've gotten older, I'm still reluctant to tell others my issues, mistakes, and challenges. I don't know if she will be or not, because there is a major difference in what we did. I was so scared of punishment and ridicule that I was willing to die. My daughter on the other hand cried out to her father to save her. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1a) In the midst of hopelessness, I often look at the problems as being insurmountable. This is especially true when I feel like it isn't because of my own fault. Most of my trials seem to have been because of my own mis-steps. I learned to seek help and forgiveness when I failed, but lately, it seems as though I'm in the crucible through no offense of my own. Wonder if my little girl can show me how to be like Job?

By faith, I realize that there is a reward in heaven, but I no longer have any hope for the life that is now. The problem is that no one ever gets to see through the trial. All the giants of faith listed in Hebrews 11 didn't receive the reward. Some of them received blessing in this life because of their faith, and some died demonstrating their faith. Like them, the Father has his eye on me. Right now, my heart is being lifted by that fact. Thank God. "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will...Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." (Matt. 10:29,31)