death before life

Last night the students of Pine Forge Academy put on a dramatic production. It started off with bleak views of life being plucked away unexpectedly by the hands of death. They inserted comic relief to help the bitter message, but the real relief came in the message from scripture that were inserted. The message of knowing that true whatever heartaches and trials we may be going through, God has promised never to leave or forsake us. Accepting Jesus is "eternal life insurance." In the end, we have the "blessed assurance" of His promises of abundant life. It's almost everyday that I wonder if I'll ever really be happy again on this planet, are my prayers just the cries of a desolate pained man, and what I've done to deserve a punishment like this. One of my favorite poems ends with these lines: "It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishment the scroll, I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." (Invictus- William Ernest Henley) while the poem is encouraging, even imbuing strength, is it true? I feel like life just happening to me lately... I can affect my outlook, my attitude, and my own actions, and that will affect my final destiny. I'm just so sick of life before heaven I don't know what to do.