Aint Scared of Nothing

I remember being a little boy and asking my father, big and bold as John Henry, what he was scared of. He would always say, “I aint scared of nothing.” I always believed him. Now I’m a man, and I don’t have many fears. The problem is that the ones I do have never fail to find me. They like to manipulate me to doing things that are irrational, but “perfect love castes out fear.” (1 John 4:18)

I don’t want to say I was angry with God, because I think that sounds stupid. Really sounds like a bad place to be in. I mean what can a person angry at the Lord do, and how faith seems to atrophy when that happens, but really now, my faith has been shook. You see, I’m sick and tired of learning lessons. I usually learn them the hard way which means I knew better but was just hard-headed. “For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.” (Hebrews 12:6) However, this can’t be the case this time. I did nothing wrong. I’m not claiming perfection, but I certainly didn’t provoke the hand of correction. As a matter of fact, that’s the thing right there. I’m not perfect. Of course no one is, but our commission is to “be perfect.” (Matt. 5:48) It’s to love those who have caused us pain and who use us. I want something to take the pain away. I most certainly don’t want to put myself back in the position of vulnerability. If I pray for that miraculous out pouring of the Holy Spirit to affect hearts and minds, because people have free-will and reject the spirit and truth, a faithful prayer, one that prays and believes that what was prayed for will happen, leaves me wide open for disappointment and hurt. I’m tired of being hurt. If I can just pray for acceptance and strength to deal with what life has become, maybe I can progress toward healing. The only problem is that the latter choice is just about me. The former choice requires that I intercede in prayer for others, that I serve others, and that I try to be an influence for the salvation of others. The selfless choice requires growth on my part. I really don’t have the option of irrationality or fear. Growing pains, well, they hurt. As a friendly advisor put it, the Savior put Himself in a position to feel hurt and suffer on our behalf. He hurt before watching His creations choose death. We have to “pick our pain.” What a perfect love that is. I aint scared.